Fears to Faith

I've been going through the book Real Moms Real Jesus by Jill Savage with some friends on Wednesday nights. Last night one of the discussion questions centered on the fears that we have that we need to hand over to God, believing He is in control and will bring about the best possible outcome for everyone involved. I have a couple of fears that came to mind immediately. #1 - My loved ones who don't know God...what will happen to them? Will they make an eternal-life saving choice before it's too late? In many cases I've been asked to back off and am trying to respect that request. But, many times the absence of opportunity to discuss leads to lots of opportunities to worry. Not good! Jesus tells us not to worry. But, does He mean even about this? Yes, I think, definitely. It's so hard though. Prayer is my only option here. I know that sounds ridiculous even as I type it. Prayer is the most powerful option. It gets me out of the way and leaves room for the Lord of the Universe to work. I know I know I know I KNOW! But, oh what a temptation it is to worry and fear. #2 - It's too late to have another baby...hasn't happened in the year or so that we've been trying...I'm gonna be 40 in a couple of weeks so even if we get pregnant there are so many risks! I know so many friends who have struggled with infertility or secondary infertility. Never thought I'd have trouble getting pregnant after having our precious girl four years ago. I CANNOT CONTROL THIS...even with counting the days on the calendar and taking every "opportunity" we can. Life is a miracle, it's a choice by God to decide to give us a precious gift. So far, we've only received that gift once and that may be all (unless we adopt someday of course). But, oh how I WANT to be in control. I want to be pregnant...with a boy...who would be born happy, healthy, with no defects. Why do I feel so guilty for wanting that so badly? Why do I get my hopes up every month just to be disappointed? I believe this is a kind of fear...a fear of something NOT happening...really that's the case with both of my fears isn't it? But, God KNOWS...God LOVES...God CARES!
So, there you have it, my struggle to let my God turn my fears into faith! Thanks for challenge, Mrs. Savage!
~ Jill
PS - One of the Carpet Installers just told me I'm thinking too hard! Ha ha! ;)